all im gonna say on 22nd december is that im at my cousin's house now.

and yahs, i won't be updating my blog/ friendster/ or gng online for awhile.
as hahas. read my post and you'll know.
but well, in case you shun-d away when you see the whole chunk of post, here is the reason.

mummy took the com monitor away, with the laptop (:

21.12.2007, friday
i had the worst day of my life.
nono, i'm not joking. i'm serious.

first, mummy suddenly went crazy, taking away my com monitor and the laptop.
and she went off to work. meaning, i can't audi, neither can i go online, or blogging, not even using PAINTS!

second, i really needed him to be with me at this time.
so we're on the phone, and then hanging up each time.
i mean, one time is alright, but it's thrice.
and, i'm all alone to deal with his hanging up, or accidental, of phone.
i got real pissed, i sat on the floor.
and i wondered what thing good can happen.

third, i wanted to go to a place which has a very nice scenery or at least, some place quiet, to at least let me be alone, let me deal with my fucking troubles.
but no one is there for me!
i wanted him to be there for me, but he's out.
nvm, he's having fun.

so you see, i don't believe that people will break down, mentally.
until i had a taste of what it's like, today.
ok, let's say, if mine wasn't, it was really the worst day i ever had.
i'm all alone and i can't share my troubles w someone, anyone.
fact is, maybe i myself don't even know what's troubling me.

people says i'm a cheerful girl who's always smiling and laughing.
but, appearance are fake in times ...
i really need a shoulder to lean on.
perhaps, i seemed strong enough to handle my stuffs ya.
haha.

you know, i puffed a stick today, hang bin gave me one.
it feels real good. i haven't puffed in like, how many days, or maybe weeks already.
each puff i took, i sunk deeper into concentrating on my problems.
and somehow, irrelevant questions acme to my mind.
what the hell is this man.
because of that, i find myself really weird.

from kovan's arcade, i went to tuition.
hang bin accompanied me there.
then i went home, i felt much better when i walked home all alone.
i listened to my mp3, blasting my music so loudly i couldn't hear anything else.
dragging my feet as though a 100kg weight was chained to my ankle.
i wished the journey home wouldn't end.
i won't mind if my legs got tired. i just wanna be alone for as long as possible.

each time i'm all alone at home.
i'll go to my room, and somehow, my feets will automatically bring myself to my window.
nahs, i wasn't thinking of suicide.
i just felt like, i'm caged.
like a bird, wanting freedom. that's all.
but what can i do, i'm just a fourteen year old teenager who has yet gotten an O' level cert.