alright.
this post is dedicated to my boy.

i wish we could be like that ...

but then i'm so ...

i don't know what's wrong with me.

what the fuck am i thinking.
what emotions are in me now.
i don't even know whether it was right of me to ... love you.
i don't know if we were right in loving each other.
i think that love isn't stable ; maybe we would be better as friends.
i don't know. i thought leaving you be the best.
but each time i think that i'm leaving you,
and you'll not be mine ; i just got scared and didn't wanna lose you.
yet, i wanna let go.
fuck this thought of mine & fuck me
you said you're afraid of losing me.
i could only comfort you ; i didn't know what to say.
i felt so guilty. idk ...
everything you asked me, i have no answer to it.
how much i love you, maybe it's just a purely a friends kinda love.
maybe it's more than that.
seriously, kill me.
i have no THOUGHTS in my mind.
i have no FUCKING idea what i want.
you get irritated, and each time i annoy you.
i tried to calm myself down,
but each time i see you, i got scared.
you know of my phobia,
i thought i could Fuck care it.
but it seemed otherwise.
i wanna tell you what am i thinking.
YET i couldn't because i don't know what the fucking hell am i thinking.
i tried not to make you sad, not to annoy/irritate you.
BUT I COULDN'T CONTROL MYSELF EACH TIME I SEE YOU!

i thought i was so in love ; maybe i'm so apart from you ...